This week... has been insane. I'm sorry for the lack of posting, but there have been things in my life that required my attention, and not me whining about them to all of you.
Where to start....
Thinking about the doctor... I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to be 'dealt with' so I decided to work hard to maintain my weight, at least through my doctors appointment.
My suggested weight for my height is 145 pounds, which means anorexia is technically here at 116.
But my goal weight is lower than that?
Maybe it shouldn't be.... But thin, is, just so appetizing. It's the only thing that is...
Anorexia kills people every year... Its the most deadly psychiatric disease...
Deadly...
That's a scary word....
So I took a break from the exercising, and I'm eating semi-normally, but I'm also maintaining my weight... Which means my metabolism has sped back up. Which is really good. I'm going to continue with that for a while, through my doctors appointment. Then I'll kick it back into gear.. I'm not quite sure what I'm doing yet, but I'm going to do something, once I kick this plateau in the ass, I'll never ever go back. One year from now, I could be at my goal, and I could do it by losing less than a pound per week. It's by no means quick, but It's possible, and it's healthier, well.. As healthy as it can be...
Good news though, I did get the job at Papas that I wanted, so that will be two jobs during the school year, and I'm joining a sorority. So that's going to be a lot... And I have to be perfect... I have to keep all my grades up, I have to be a star employee, I HAVE to be a better girlfriend, and I should attempt to be a good daughter as well.
Today though, I left the garage door open for just a minute, because I forgot something, and someone stole Eli's motorcycle helmet, I replace the helmet on friday. It won't be the same as his, or have a tinted visor like his did... But it'll be a high quality helmet...
So I'm basically just freaking out. I need everything to be perfect...
I definitely almost had a breakdown today making pasta... Yeah, making some fairly healthy broccoli pasta, and I started panicking... Seemed ridiculous, even to me... I'm just way too stressed right now...
Things are spiraling out of control, I just need to be perfect....
I'm Alice in Wonderland, Watch me Fall...
xxxblakexxx
Oh Blake hon you're so inspiring. Doing all those things and trying your hardest.
ReplyDeleteMake sure not to stress too much though, I did that and I now have a doctor and a physiotherapist looking after me. Losing weight seems impossible because every kilogram I shed they notice.
Love, x