New fast..

I am raging.

I have to write a 5 page essay on why I want a street bike before my parents will even consider helping me with one.

I'm fat.

I binged 1200 calories last night. That was all i had yesterday. But still. I really hate spending time with my mother sometimes. Then this morning, she took me to burger king. Yuck... Not even going there. 600 cals easy. Then I ate at work today, because I almost passed out on tuesday from not eating enough. And my manager gave me a meal during my break. I'm pretty sure he wanted to see me consume something that wasn't a sugar free calorie free energy drink. But no worries. He saw it happen. And he was satisfied. Although my lunch break was miserable for another reason. And funny for one as well.

For the misery: This woman told her dad she had terminal cancer and had less than 6 weeks to live. He said "oh." and got up to get fry sauce. That's all he did. She evoked more emotion from me and i don't even know her. She also said she wanted to be able to speak to her mother before she moved into hospice care. He refused. Said he wouldn't let her talk to her! HOW DARE HE?! It is her mother. She broke down sobbing and I almost came unglued. But my lunch break was about to end so I got up and said to her that I'd pray for her, and that I hoped things went best they could. She said, "honey don't waste your time praying for me. I know I'm going to heaven. It's him you should worry about..." I said I'd pray for them both. I just hate humanity a little bit right now.

For the funny part: One of my coworkers didn't take the lid off the soda machine before he tried to put ice into it. Showered four or five customers in ice. Ahhh. I had to end my break early to help clean up. But it was so worth it. SO worth it. =]

I'm going to chipotle tonight for a salad. Because then my fast starts. I figure since Phillip knows, and won't do anything. I can do whatever I please. So I'm not going to flaunt it, but I'm not going to hide it either. =]

Fast plan.

Step 1: Initial Motivation– My reason to fast, I"m going to do it to show my respect for the woman I saw at work today. And I'm going to do it until I see my mom again. Or maybe even do it until the day after. ( I intend for this to work. However Eli is visiting me tomorrow night. So i may have around 500 calories while he is there. But if he does get me to eat, I'm going to extend the fast one day.

Step 2: Creating Your Plan –
Goal:To stick to the fast (save for when with Eli) and to fast longer than I have before. I know that I can go without food for three weeks if I really try. However I don't intend to do that for that long. But knowing that I'm capable is real motivation. I also intend to lose between 4 and 6 pounds. I know I can, if I exercise. And this woman was so sad. That I mostly want to do this out of respect for her. Even if I don't lose a pound I actually don't foresee myself being disappointed. I need to do this.
Motivation: 50 cal reward at end of day. {before exercising ;P}
Motto: (2 actually) 1. Let's raise some hell. 2. Self control is knowing you CAN. And deciding you WONT.

Step 3: Sticking to It-
I'm going to follow some advice, I'm going to find some thinner pictures of me, and I'm going to use them to thinspire me, so I remember what I can look like. I'm also going to text myself at night before I go to bed, something thinspiring, something that says love, Ana at the end.

-20 crunches
-20 side leg raises, laying on right side and raising left leg about a foot

-15 push ups
-20 side leg raises, laying on left side and raising right leg about a foot

-20 leg lifts (lay on back, sit on hands, raise both legs with feet together about a foot off the ground)


I'l just keep doing it in cycles until my body caves. Every Night. Every morning. I have time. I'll make time. And I may start walking to work. I'll have to leave really early. Maybe an hour before my shift starts. But it's okay and It'll be worth it to me. I'll have to walk at a fairly vigorous pace. Since it's around (30?) blocks.

Let me know of anything you lovelies are up to! I'm glad to support! And feel free to shoot me an email if you'd like to speak personally!

Have a lovely week(end) if I don't post tomorrow don't dismay I'll be back on Saturday since I'll have internet at my place! Hopefully a pound lighter!

Stay strong, think thin, live Ana. We can do it! We must do it.

xxxblakexxx