Change.

Happy Day! Darcy and I got the room looking fantastic! I spent the day lofting her bed so we have more room now. I've been forced to eat a good million times today. I just have to focus on the fact that soon things will be busier, and eating like this wont be an option. I have my ephedra, my diet pills, and caffeine. And I'm determined to make it count. I can't continue to be the fat ass. I want to be the spindly girl that looks amazing in everything.

If anyone has anything really inspiring that you use for thinspo please pass it on. I really could use the inspiration right now. I'm going to work this week on getting everything with a caloric content of 70 or more out of my living space. Then next week I'll hopefully be working two jobs (I had my interview today, it went well. but I don't find out for two days or so. Since he was interviewing someone else also.)

I just wish my chem classes would start. Then I'd be so ridiculously busy that I wouldn't have time to constantly be nosing the fridge. For the first time I've actually been considering bingeing and purging. I feel so ridiculously guilty whenever I mass consume. And I'm not willing to let it get the best of me. I went on a syrup of ipecac rampage. Looking everywhere for it. Turns out they've taken it off the market. So I don't have that option anymore. Which isn't the biggest deal. I'm just incapable of actually making myself vomit up anything through willpower alone. And plus.... Mia has never been my thing.. It's always been Ana.... Ana's spindly arms. Never the gluttony that Mia has a tendency to present.

And I think Phillip... Just read this. Not this post. This blog. I may have a problem.

Till next time ladies, stay strong. Things may be changing. :\

xxxblakexxx