Aug 31, 2010

Breath, I've just got to breath.


Eli has read all of it... He's read every, fucking, thing I've written.

Now that that is out of my system...

Here's the REAL dilemma, he wants me to talk to my doctor at my appointment today, and this appointment is just for my ankle technically. BUT, he wants me to say something, and in this case I'm not sure what to do, I mean. He sure as hell isn't Dick....

But maybe it's just me being a broken record. But I'm totally terrified. Because now, if I go through the steps but do nothing, he still knows... I'm not ready to let go of this, I haven't achieved anything yet. I can't be fixed. I don't even look broken.

It's like... I've felt like I could tell him anything... But now, knowing that. Ugh. I mean, he knows he holds more cards than Dick ever did. And he holds almost as many as me... He knows that he can sway me more than any other person... And I know he wouldn't take advantage of that...


I just don't know what to do... My appointment is only a few hours away now. And my world, is slowly dissipating. It's crunch time... But what do I do? Because for the first time, I couldn't come to a conclusion before I finally fell asleep. But I really don't know if I'm ready to deal with all of this. I know I'm not ready to let go, does that mean I do nothing? Or only part of it?

Oh god help me.


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