I go pick up my elliptical tomorrow!!! I am so excited about it! It is gonna be so nice having an elliptical only a few feet from me all the time! I also bought a flexible measuring tape with Eli a bit ago, and now I can start keeping track of all my progress. Start measuring as the waist shrinks away and the muscles get a little bit bigger.
the simplicity of it all, it makes me smile. I didn't realize how easy it would be, even with Eli here. To convince him that its all fine... I'm going to exercise like crazy. Until I can keep up with him. Until I can run better than I ever have. I'm going to surpass even my own expectations. No questions asked. If I have something this available, I am going to use it. I am going to use it often. And I am going to start getting rid of the food in my apartment, I know Darcy is only here for a couple more weeks. but she has an apartment. She can eat it all there I can't do it anymore. I can't keep letting myself sway, for her, it's different. She eats, and she feels guilty later. I can't operate that way. If I think something is that horrible I'll use the willpower and avoid the issue... Or if I do eat it, maybe I really needed it to function. And even if I didn't.... I'm probably still in the negatives for today...
But she feels so bad about food.... And I just can't take it... I can't stand feeling guilty, the little bit I DO eat. Feeling bad is unnecessary. And I want the food out. I want it all out. I'm going to go through it bit by bit, and I'm going to only buy what I need. I know its bitchy and I know she's leaving. I'm not saying she isn't welcome over.. I'm just saying, she has her own apartment, that she pays for. And that I've helped pay for. And I need some space sometimes...
Gah, I really do feel like a bitch. But it's time to start respecting myself. And my needs. And I NEED to be skinny.
That's that. After I have something to exercise with in my own living room, I won't have an excuse. And I'll stop giving myself one.
Motivate me ladies. I really need it.
xxxblakexxx
Aw you aren't being a bitch. It's normal to need your own space, and to control it. too much is too much and you gotta look after yourself girlie. And go with the elliptical. Me and Ana are together again starting today, so we'll both start over again now =]
ReplyDeleteI wish I was getting an eliptical! However once I move I will be able to wander around the city which will work just as well. And you really aren't being a bitch... I mean if she has her own apartment she should spend time there instead of just having it sit there collecting dust. Good luck.
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