Workin' it out.

I don't even feel like I did anything. I did burn about 350 calories though. Not bad for 30 minutes. Not great either.

Things have changed so much, I thought I was busy before... I guess it's just more manageable now. My weight has skyrocketed... It's still under 140 but i'm so embarrassed of myself. I can't even tell you all. But I will once it's gone..

I had to put down both my dogs a week ago last thursday. And I'm still emotionally trying to recover.

I made some New Years Resolutions though!
I mean, a while ago, but still.

1) Lose 15 or more pounds. SW 135.0
2) Be nice to someone that I do not like every. single. day. Even if it means going out of my way for it. (I do not like this one...)
3) Get a little Italian Greyhound Puppy!!!
4) Find an apartment with Chiara

There are more and I'll update them once I find my complete list.

Things aren't good. but they will be better. One step and calorie at a time.

xxxblakexxx

Back at Uni...

Which generally makes life easier. But this time I feel like I've only been eating shit food. It's not an excuse that I've been busy, it shouldn't matter at all. That should make it easier. I've been exercising so much though, something I'm actually really proud of. It's been at least twice a day for the past couple of days. I'm decently on top of my homework.

But not of my emotions. I should be shrinking. This all shouldn't be that hard. I know that after this week it won't be, and I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to start working my way back down the eating train...

800 cal per day goal. Then 700.. 650 by the end of next week.

I have gymnastics class monday and wednesday at 11AM with Chiara, and we are doing the Insanity program with my old roommate.

I'm running with Eli too. So even though I'm eating like crap. I'm about even at the end of the day. Which is pretty cool for minimal effort..
I can feel myself slipping though. In a good way, well, not for people who care about me. But for me, and Chiara, and Darcy ( WHO IS COMING BACK OHMYGOD). This is a very good thing.

 xxxblakexxx

Happy New Year!

It will be lovely lovelies.

We have the potential to make things happen.

We have the power to make things happen.

Do we have the will?

I'll post soon!

I love you all. You keep me strong. I survived the holidays and left it at 133 pounds. Not my low weight. But lower than it was finals week. Yeah, I lost weight, over christmas holiday. Home with my family.

FUCK. YES.

How was everyone's holiday season?

What were your new years resolutions? Tell me yours I'll tell you mine. ;)

xxxblakexxx

Merry Christmas!

Through all the holiday eating I've had to do, the scale blessed me with 134.5 today. No where near where I want to be. But there is the potential for it to be so much worse. Today/Tomorrow is christmas, so I won't get to go for a jog like I'd like. But I'll get to crack back down on monday. I've done a decent amount of exercising, and it is superbly easy to get away with just one meal a day at my parents house. It'll be nice going back to uni the same weight (thinner?) as before. Then I won't have any more work than I have to...

For everyone trying to survive the holidays with family and friends, I wish you well. Drink lots of water. But also try and enjoy yourself. Holidays are the most terrifying days to me, so my focus tomorrow is to just try and have fun, avoid food, but have fun most importantly. 

This day comes once a year and no matter what I'd like to think, it isn't worth an argument with anyone about what I'm eating.                                                 

 I hope you all are doing well, I'll get back on the blogging horse soon, I promise.

xxxblakexxx

stay strong, think thin. you can do this.


Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night!

AWOL

I'm sorry I've been gone, this break was supposed to involve a whole lot of posting.

I don't get why I don't do it, it's not to say I've lost the passion. I'm just so brain dead.

Christmas is a couple days a way. It's a damn shame I couldn't give myself a new low weight for christmas. At this point I just want to stay 135.0 or lower through the holidays. I just need to get back to school. Away from all this food.

I want to here how everyone is. Fill me in.

xxxblakexxx
stay strong

It's finally over.

Finals. This cycle of eating like shit. I get to be in control again.

Thank you Ana. I felt like you were slipping away.

I'll get time to write a better post tomorrow.


I'm Back Bitches.


xxxblakexxx

2:1

2 down. 1 to go. Only this one is the hardest.

fuck.

Finals.

One down. Two to go. If I get all A's on my finals. I get all A's in my classes.

Wish me luck

xxxblakexxx
#stresseating

fuck.

Finals Week.

It's here. And now.

Last week was dead week. I'm dead. Only three more days and I'm free.

Three more days and I'm under control.

Only three.

Weight is still at 134. WTF. at least it's not worse.

xxxblakexxx

soon lovelies.

The Mask

She wakes up and stares at the mirror,

 wishing for something more to appear. 

Something that people can be proud of, 

Something that people could aspire to. 

Instead all she finds every morning is a coward. 

A girl hiding behind the strength of a mask. 

It gives false courage and false beauty, 


beauty that someone, someday, might fall in love with. 

But what happens when the illusion fades

and she must take off the mask upon slumber? 

She doesn't. 

She doesn't remove the mask, 
and the mask and the master become one.

It forms to every crevice and every imperfection hiding the truth by becoming the truth.

Until the morning comes when she wakes up and stares at the mirror,

 wishing for something more to appear. 

She doesn't use the mask to keep the world out.

 She uses the mask to keep herself in.

xxxblakexxx