I can almost see it...

That dream I'm dreaming.
But there's a voice inside my head, saying you'll never reach it.

I'm feeling pretty on top of things. I mean, I ate a whole bunch of things I didn't want to eat today, but my friend needed me to be with her... I know that.

Doesn't make me feel any better about it. But that same friend and I are going for a run in the morning, and then I go to the gym. And much later, I pick Chiara up from the airport with Eli.
I should be so much thinner right now, but even with no control over what I've been eating recently, I'm still sitting at a whopping 140 lbs. Horrible I know. I honestly am surprised it isn't worse. I can not wait for school to start, so I can kick myself into gear. It'll be easier, having to prioritize so seriously... I know it will be good for me though. Thin thin thin. I can almost see it.

This dream,

My god. I'm dreaming. I want it so bad, and I dream so vividly about being beautiful. Yet, it always seems just slightly out of my reach. Always slightly.

I know that won't last forever. I will be under 135 pounds by Halloween. Not a goal really, just a fact. I know it is going to happen. No promises of "if I eat healthier" "if I make it to the gym". I'm going to continue to go to the gym. And I don't have to eat healthier. I just have to eat less. I will, I am.

Sometimes it all feels like invisible changes, but I look back. Everything's different, and getting thin, it looks easier and easier.

One moment, I can't imagine accomplishing everything. The next, I look at everything I've already done.

I've got this under control.

...

I. Have. Control.

So do you.

Take it.

xxxblakexx


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