Hello lovelies, I'm sorry for the absense. I'll update for real soon I promise! It's just that Eli has been here every waking moment since August 1st and it's hard to find time to post. Even now, I've only got about 5 minutes.
Overview:
137.2 for my 18th birthday. I'm admittedly pretty proud of myself. =]
Its gone up a bit since then, but its staying around 141, so no real complaints, considering how much I've been having to eat.
I can't wait until I move into the sorority. It'll be so much easier to escape meals. It's really rather exciting. I'm expecting my weight at thanksgiving to be much closer to 130 than anything else. I'm just hoping I can find a girl in the house with at least a little bit of Ana in her. Because I could really use an ally... I keep thinking Chiara is an option. But I need to know how healthy her current perspective is on food. Because I don't want to be responsible for sucking her into anything. But I can't help but think back to the end of freshman year. and how close she and I were. As well as how good it felt to be able to talk to someone freely. Someone I lived with... I am going to tread lightly until I know though.
Speaking of Chiara, She came to visit me for my birthday! It was really exciting! We've decided to get an ear piercing when we get back for school. But I have to see 135 before that happens. Even if it's only for a day. I just need to see it, you know? I also don't want to have to back out at the last minute, so it's better motivation!
I saw a specialist for my knee, finally. And that deserves an update all it's own so I'll reserve that for a later post. But good news is, I'm taking steps to make it better.
Speaking of steps! Birthday shopping!!!! Was the best ever. I ended up with almost 300 dollars in Nike Running Gear! =D
Speaking of shopping, I got approved for my first credit card, without a cosigner!! This is something I'm really excited about, because I know it will be an awesome way to build credit. Which is really important as a college student. Especially if I need loans for med school in a few years! This also means I may end up with the iPad that I needed for school (notetaking with a keyboard, or stylus, as well as being able to download textbooks straight to it. =])
This is the majority of the crazy business for right now, Still unsure of what to do about the whole Chiara idea, I'd love opinions on it. Because the sick part of me knows I could easily draw her back. But the friend/good person in me, says 'no fucking way'. I just want to know where she's at. Because if she's already back... Then we'd be each others support. I wouldn't be just an awful person... Right? Ugh.
CW 141.6
Stay Strong, Think Thin, Live Ana
xxxblakexxx
PS.
Check this out!
I'm really loving this series right now. Hollyoaks. Two of the characters have eating disorders.. May be my inspiration for Chiara? You can find it here..
http://www.youtube.com/user/cutiekylieg#p/u/34/fPBnWbECtxk There are a whole bunch of parts to it. But this link should start you at part one... <3 It's Hannas Story Part 1 I believe (actually spelled Hannah on the show... but not on the youtube vid)
loves!
Im not sure what you should do about your friend but I can't say I blame you for wanting it. There is this girl I work with that Im almost positive has an ED. And we like never really talk but sometimes I can feel her wondering about me too. And Im dieing to slip her a note that asks if she's Ana. With like my email on it. So maybe I would have that support I long for. And I feel soooo pscho! If she isn't than Im going to be just a crazy girl. Ugh is right.
ReplyDeleteThat series sounds awesome! I'll have to check it out when I have the time to sit and watch whole episodes.
ReplyDeleteAbout Chiara...I wouldn't necessarily push her to it...but if she is back...well go ahead and support each other. :) I'm sure she'd appreciate someone who is already and friend and would understand and support her. So just proceed with caution. I wish I had a friend like that here...which is not a good thing to wish for at all...more people with Ana, but to have someone who is living with the same thing and would support and not judge me? that would be amazing...sigh
I know how you feel, having the motivation there. My friend is currently going through treatment, but she desperately wants someone to go through it with her. I have not yet succumbed. This is sort of backwards to your situation. If I find any solutions you shall be the first to know xxx
ReplyDelete