Finally losing...

This was an email I sent to my lovely buddy Sammy earlier today =] It explains things best at the moment.


"I'm in fucking love with adderall. I've been eating like a meal a day. (only when I have to eat with brett) and I was 147.0 in my pjs after bathroom this morning. It felt good. really. good. I know they say weight loss fuels more weight loss, and I'm realizing now that it is very very true. I just want to keep going. I feel as if I'm high, which is a much better high than the kind that makes me eat. The only issue is when they put you on adderall they start tracking your weight a bit because they don't want you to lose too fast. (common side effect) so I have to keep my weight steady through the next month. and by that of course, I mean i have to water load a shit ton before I go. It's so silly to do that when I'm still fat. But when I go again (june 8th) I'm going to have to, and them I'm going to mention that I've started training for a half marathon (13.1 miles/21.09km in case you didn't know :P )

And then they'll expect my weight to drop, so I'll have a gorgeous excuse and then when they watch my weight go down, along with my mile times. And I get to tell them that I can run so far. And I'm feeling SO good, so healthy, and its awesome now I can eat EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. And I never ever have to worry like my friends do. Tell them I'm spending too much money on cheesecake, and ask them if I should still be careful about having too much sugar even though I'm running. Or if I can just do anything I want/whatever makes my body feel right. And they'll be sold. They'll even compliment the loss over time. Tell me they're looking forward to seeing my race results. 

I'll be so thin. and they'll be SO supportive. I can even go so far as to asking who I should talk to about getting a diet that offers the most fuel for my racing. I'm going to fucking sell this. Everyone will be so proud. it's sick...

I'm very happy right now. Felt to good to get out of the 150s even after partying two nights in a row. maybe its all the dancing. I might be doing myself a favor. hahahha"

I'm participating in relay for life tonight, where I'm going to be walking for two hours straight, should be around 5 miles. =] Hopefully I'll be 147 when I wake up. I am kind of afraid I'll gain. Really, there's no reason I should. I only had carrot sticks(75) and nonfat ranch dip(20) today, plus a sugar free rockstar(30). and I'm going to be walking so I'll definitely be negative... But I'm so afraid of gaining. I just can't let it happen.

I won't be able to run tomorrow, and I'll have to eat. =[ But i'll also be partying and dancing for hours. Thank god.

I just want to be 146 by monday. it's only 1 pound. No reason I can't achieve it. How's all your progress ladies?

keep me posted lovelies

xxxblakexxx