Thing is, I know I'm not... Not technically. I'm technically in my healthy BMI range, of healthy weight for my height, etc. My fat percentage isn't too high...
But this whisper...
So this is what it's like to be disordered?
"I can't see ANY of your spine. And your shoulders... Nonexistent." A sense of mockery.
"Oh look, there are shadows of hip bones in there... That's the only thing that gives me hope about you."
"Those jeans... 26 inch waist. That. Is. Disgusting."
It IS pretty gross... I definitely have love handles...
"Come on, only 39 more pounds... when you think about it that way... That isn't that far... It's just going to take some work."
"Don't worry Blake, I will make you Beautiful... Just trust me, I'm here to help you."
I could use the help...
"All you have to do is promise me hard work, promise me your goals, promise me your thought, promise me your devotion. Promise me EVERYTHING."
I Promise.
I hear her voice all the time too. It's so honest, even when the truth hurts... It's almost lovely, and almost not, yet we love her and promise to follow her anyway. Stay strong, darling.
ReplyDeleteIt's strange, it really is... But I'm so willing now. I'll do anything to not look like this.
ReplyDelete