I go pick up my elliptical tomorrow!!! I am so excited about it! It is gonna be so nice having an elliptical only a few feet from me all the time! I also bought a flexible measuring tape with Eli a bit ago, and now I can start keeping track of all my progress. Start measuring as the waist shrinks away and the muscles get a little bit bigger.
the simplicity of it all, it makes me smile. I didn't realize how easy it would be, even with Eli here. To convince him that its all fine... I'm going to exercise like crazy. Until I can keep up with him. Until I can run better than I ever have. I'm going to surpass even my own expectations. No questions asked. If I have something this available, I am going to use it. I am going to use it often. And I am going to start getting rid of the food in my apartment, I know Darcy is only here for a couple more weeks. but she has an apartment. She can eat it all there I can't do it anymore. I can't keep letting myself sway, for her, it's different. She eats, and she feels guilty later. I can't operate that way. If I think something is that horrible I'll use the willpower and avoid the issue... Or if I do eat it, maybe I really needed it to function. And even if I didn't.... I'm probably still in the negatives for today...
But she feels so bad about food.... And I just can't take it... I can't stand feeling guilty, the little bit I DO eat. Feeling bad is unnecessary. And I want the food out. I want it all out. I'm going to go through it bit by bit, and I'm going to only buy what I need. I know its bitchy and I know she's leaving. I'm not saying she isn't welcome over.. I'm just saying, she has her own apartment, that she pays for. And that I've helped pay for. And I need some space sometimes...
Gah, I really do feel like a bitch. But it's time to start respecting myself. And my needs. And I NEED to be skinny.
That's that. After I have something to exercise with in my own living room, I won't have an excuse. And I'll stop giving myself one.
Motivate me ladies. I really need it.