Jul 19, 2010

I didn't want to exercise anyway... -_-

I crashed when I was dirt biking with Eli, pretty hard. I managed to tear the ligaments in my ankle, so no dirt biking, no running, no real form of cardio. At all =/ I'm really not sure what to do about it. I can't even put pressure on it for the next three or four days.

Another frustrating thing... Eli, he's... Great, everything I'd hoped and we compliment each other so well. However, he's always complimenting me. He tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves my body, and swears on these things so earnestly I almost believe him. And it kills me... Because I feel like thats part of the issue it's killing my motivation, I just can't stay motivated like this... I don't know what to do, I just never want to see food again, and I want to be able to exercise, but I can't because of my stupid ankle.

It's just whenever I'm with him, he's so... Food oriented, which isn't even true it just seems like that because I eat two solid meals and a snack when I'm with him. And even if it is good for my metabolism, it's horrible for my ego, and my conscience. I'm not going to see him until late this week or this weekend. So until then, no more than one (balanced) meal per day. And I'll allow myself as much zero calorie juice as I want, as well as one breakfast or energy bar, which will keep me around 700 calories per day I think, that way my metabolism isn't totally dead, and I'm still getting enough nutrients for my body to heal, that's my main concern right now is healing so I can exercise again. Then I'll eat with Eli this weekend and be down to 600 calories next week, then 500 etc. allowing two or three days, not sure yet, to eat with him.

I'm back to working on my thinspo book, and I'm going to start journaling again, I need to change my writing style a bit, I want it to be a bit more blogging conducive. So I think I'm going to play around a bit with that in the near future. So beware, it'll be messy for a while. I'm also going to try to change my page layout a bit, just to set it apart from other pages. I'm going to try that tonight, so this page may be down for a little while.

I'm off to ice the ankle, thinspo it up, and create a rockin' layout!

Time for a change, as my ankle heals, so will my resolve. I will. Be skinny. No one can take that away from me this time!
Don't worry lovelies! We've got this!

Stay strong for those that aren't, think thin-taylor momsen, angelina jolie, eva mendes, live ana.... For you



  1. That's the spirit missy :) it all sounds kickass (apart from the broken ankle lol). Birthday, woman. I'm still doin it. I'm sure as hell not ok with my weight even though my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful... I believe him, but it's not what I feel or see. No way in hell I'm going out in short shorts till i've lost about three million pounds. Probably a bit more. Ps, check your emails woman. I'm retarded and possibly screwed it up.

  2. you're amazing! That just brought the biggest smile to my face! I'm logging into my email right now!


    And I found it!! It was hiding in my spam folder -_-


  3. I know just what you mean about being with Eli killing your motivation because of the compliments and food orientation. My Jacob is the same way. It's truly frustrating. Keep your chin up though, dearie. You've got a good plan.