Epiphany!

Apparently I'm responsible for everyones negative behavior...

Darcy's friends are blaming her so called, self-destructive behavior on me.

So First Dick blames me for Chiara, Then Phillip for Darcy, and now Darcy's friends... I'm actually beginning to believe everyone when they tell me that I'm the cause of everyones problems. Especially now...

I'm a horrible person for being so excited! Eli and I are apartment hunting this weekend! A two bedroom, just for the two of us.. =] Things are going to be so easy!!!!!!
He agreed to diet with me when we move in together! WE ARE GOING ON A DIET TOGETHER!!!! AHHH!!!!! I am SO excited! It's gonna be easy I needed this. I definitely ingested like 1500 calories today, which is lower than my bmr however. I'm still teetering at 149. Thank god I haven't bumped back yet. It's just way too close for comfort. It's okay though. I can get down to 144 by August third! Five pounds by my birthday! And then I'm going to make myself some promises for my birthday present.

Haven't quite figured out what the exact goals are going to be. But I'm going to do this right from now on... It's time to start being good to myself, even if I have to be horrible to myself to be good to myself. I'm willing to do what it takes. Ana's presence is stronger then ever. I can practically hear a whisper in my ear. Things in my life are all falling into place. You wouldn't even believe it.

My mother asked me for diet tips. I made her a relatively healthy little newsletter of some weight loss tips. I just can't believe it. She asked me if I was on a diet and I said yes. And instead of being critical, she just asked what my restrictions were and made me a salad. It was an amazing moment! I'm so excited!

Darcy opened the doors for me. She got me comfortable talking to people I can actually see about this kind of stuff. And now my mom is supportive, Eli is going to diet with me. Phillip has stopped bitching. And Chiara reads and constantly supports.

I'm ridiculously tempted to be completely pro-ana open. And not care about telling people. If I do that, I'll be able to lose so much faster, I can hang out with people who will support me. And I am a strong enough person at this point to deal with with any criticism or comments. I'm not going to be rash about deciding this. But I'm ready for a change. And I think that my birthday is going to be a landmark for me! I'm going to make my decisions by then and stick by them....

Ana's Back, I'm snuggled in her arms. And I'm ready to do this.

Stay STRONG, Think THIN, Live Ana.

NOTHING Tastes as Good as Thin Feels.

Feel it with me!

xxxblakexxx