Jul 27, 2010

Baby, Please.

"Baby, please.

Lose anything you want, just do it the right way."

"I'm fine, I'm just not hungry."

"But you are. I can tell, please don't lie. I know you better than that.

Just eat anything, and let's talk."

'Talk about what?'

"How much do you want to lose?"


"Just tell me. I won't judge. I can help you...."

'Help me?'

"Yeah, I'll help you get the weight off. Just let me in baby."


"Baby, I swear."

'38 more pounds. I want to be 110.'

"Okay, but please eat.

If you eat I can help you."

'Really? How do you figure that?'

"Because if you eat. Ill push you hard to exercise. I mean, I'll push you really hard. I'll help you push all your limits. Just eat something to fuel it. If you want you can eat Under your BMR so all you do is lose. Just feed your body, it'll be better.

And you'll be so skinny. But you won't be so sick."

'110. You'd help me to a 16.7 BMI. If I just eat something?'

"yes babe, if 110 makes you happy I'll help you get there. I just want you happy. And I want you as safe as possible. But I'll exercise with you. I'll eat healthy foods with you. I'll help plan your weeks. All you have to do is eat what I put in front of you."

Im wary of the concept. But he seems so sincere. Like he'd really help. He doesn't break promises. Ever. I can always trust him. He's always good to me. And if I exercise with him it'll exhaust me. I can't handle his regime. Plus gymnastics. I'll be icing my body (which burns more calories.). All I have to do is eat three tiny meals (under 300 cal each) or one big meal (less than 1000) but he'll make me healthy. And I'll be skinny.

It wouldn't happen until September anyway. I still have time to lose. I could probably get to my next plateau by then I'd I really try. Then he can help mr past it. And work me hard. I'll give him fall term to really help and if he doesn't I don't have to do this any-...

"Baby, what do you think?"

*sigh* 'Okay. Fine, I'll try it your way. When we move in I'll try it. Not before then."

"Okay. Thank you babe! I promise I can help you!"

'yeah, I know you can.'

So can gymnastics and a physical trainer. And I'm going to meet up with a trainer for an exercise plan. This is bull. I won't do it anymore. I've said that before.

But now I have the means.

I will be skinny.

"thank you."

*Oh you stupid little girl. You know he's going to make you eat more and more. It won't stop. If you were a stronger person. I'd be taking all the credit. Well, you and I would. Don't let him take our glory. Don't give him a license to make you fat.*

Ana please. I need to believe in this.

*You need to believe in ME. I'm the one that golds the power. Stop making stupid decisions. Now you're going to have to lose so much this summer so he can't ruin you. There's not much time left.*

No there isn't.

I won't cut you any slack anymore. It's time to kick it into gear. You pathetic fat ass.

Okay Ana. Maybe he is ri-

*No! unacceptable! No. Don't go there he doesn't know. I know.*

(For the first time. The Ana in my head is scaring me.)


  1. Stay strong... Try it :) it's a while away yet, lose what you can. At the very least you can veiw it as toning for a while...it might be worth a try? In any case... You can still set goals for yourself :) and it might work for your body, you never know. Good luck... Ana is violent but she will help you too.

  2. I just found your blog and I wanted to tell you how lucky you are to have someone who knows everything. Everyone that I know would never be that understanding! (which is why I turned to blogging) I hope you consider it an absolute blessing!

    P.S. ~ I love your blog!
    Stay strong!