It is kind of interesting how I always find myself here when exams roll around. I get stressed, I get tired, and find myself back here because then I find it easier to cope.
I'm in week 6 of my first term of medical school. Midterm
I briefly hopped back on my ADHD meds to help me study for an exam I had yesterday. I took them sunday evening and they kept me up for 43 hours.
But I finally got to sleep last night.
Here's the problem. I wasn't hungry. For 2 days, I wasn't hungry. I still ate because I knew that I needed to and I've been trying to be better about it.
But that feeling of control was back and it felt so fucking good.
I've been trying to be self aware lately and I'm a little worried for myself.
I didn't want to go back on my prescription because I have come to like feeling like myself and I love my heart rate being so much lower. But that familiar high was too good and I am all too tempted to continue attaining it.
It makes me smart AND skinny. How can I say no?
Right... I lose my personality and I didn't want to be sick anymore.
Wait.
I just said "didn't''
Fuck.
xxblake
