Totally overwhelming... I've alternated between bingeing and restricting so much I can't even handle life haha.
There was this girl with an ED that came into my clinic shift this last week. She's been IP a couple of times and IOP a couple more. It makes me feel like a failure. I get that this is the nature of this disorder, the competitiveness... But I hate that I've never been sick enough for that.
I want to fast. SO badly. Next week for a couple of days I think. Maybe sunday, monday, and half of tuesday. I'll include juice and maybe a protein shake. But keep it under 300kcal, 500kcal, and 200kcal respectively. So fasting, but not so much.
I want to do more than that. Maybe also on Thursday... I just have to be careful because we're going to go out on Friday and Saturday night for halloween and I want to not look totally hideous in my dress because I'm going to be the devil in this tight little dress. =/ But I also know that if I eat nothing then I'll be a shitty mess when we go out.
I see my psychologist again on Tuesday, and he wants me to see a psychiatrist at the clinic to get on anti-anxiety medication. Does anyone have experience with those? Did it make you gain?
3-5 pounds by next weekend. We can do this.