I had another nightmare last night. This time Eli didn't leave me, this time I died. But I was still there, and I kept trying to tell everyone that even though my heart had stopped that I was there and I was fine and everything would be okay.
But no one could see me. Even though they would talk right to me. Everyone said that they couldn't see me. So I guess I really was dead? Maybe it was 'my spirit' or whatever. But I called the doctor that had removed my heart and he could hear me too. But he told me that sometimes this happened. That people just had trouble letting go when it was time and that I needed just to accept that it was the end for me and I needed to leave everyone alone… I started to fade then, so I went to find Eli. But he could see me, and hear me. It was like nothing had changed. Only my heart was no longer beating. But he held me, and it was wonderful. But I started to fade away anyway...
Then I woke up sobbing, and laid with him until I was going to be late for school.
My head is all fucked up again.