May 28, 2015


There comes a moment where you realize you aren't really living. You're simply surviving. Sun-up to Sun-down you pass the time. Do what is expected of you. Clean up after yourself, try not to screw up anything too badly. Stuck in a sort of limbo-land.

Nothing in my life is bad really. Nothing in my life is fantastic. I have health issues I'm beginning to drown in and no doctor can seem to find the root cause of the things that have started to spring up. All I can think of is, does this have something to do with Ana? Is she somehow responsible yet again for things in my life falling apart. I know this isn't likely the root of the current situation. But is my history somehow responsible? Could starving myself mess up my hormones, and my blood, this badly, so far after the fact?

I'm on IV iron 2x per week. I can't walk up stairs without getting dizzy, I have one of the rarest blood deficiencies in the world at levels indicating I recently acquired it (HOW?!), I either have poly-cystic ovaries or adult-onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia (the name of which, disagrees with itself). Nothing makes sense, no one knows what is going on. I am at a total loss.

Just. What?

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