Oct 21, 2014

Wow... I'm in medical school.

It's midterms week,
It is kind of interesting how I always find myself here when exams roll around. I get stressed, I get tired, and find myself back here because then I find it easier to cope.

I'm in week 6 of my first term of medical school. Midterm Hell week.

I briefly hopped back on my ADHD meds to help me study for an exam I had yesterday. I took them sunday evening and they kept me up for 43 hours.

But I finally got to sleep last night.

Here's the problem. I wasn't hungry. For 2 days, I wasn't hungry. I still ate because I knew that I needed to and I've been trying to be better about it.

But that feeling of control was back and it felt so fucking good.

I've been trying to be self aware lately and I'm a little worried for myself.

I didn't want to go back on my prescription because I have come to like feeling like myself and I love my heart rate being so much lower. But that familiar high was too good and I am all too tempted to continue attaining it.

It makes me smart AND skinny. How can I say no?

Right... I lose my personality and I didn't want to be sick anymore.


Wait.
I just said "didn't''

Fuck.

xxblake

5 comments:

  1. Hi there,
    I am currently doing a research project for school based around pro ana e.t.c
    I was wondering whether I could ask you a few questions about this blog?
    If you dont mind my email is snowdropsandraindbows@gmail.com

    I hope to hear from you...
    Many thanks

    ReplyDelete
  2. feelyou. take good care of yourself alright? Cuddles xAnna

    ReplyDelete
  3. I also "didn't". Started workin out and gaining muscle but when i stepped on that scale.. Nope

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Eva,

      Yeah I'm feeling the same way... I am trying to focus on inches rather than weight, but it is hard to stay away from that scale.

      Delete