Jun 18, 2012

Do you ever stop and think: Wow, what if?

What if this hadn't happen to me? What if I could just eat when I was hungry, and stop when I was full. What if dessert was just good food. Instead of number and calories and fat. So. much. fat.

What if when I smiled, It was for real.

What if I didn't relish being alone just because it meant I didn't have to eat.

What if I could just be happy. Really, truly, happy.

What if you could too?


Stay Strong.

Jun 9, 2012

Half Marathon, For the Lose...

I thought I would be so proud of myself. I ran my first half marathon yesterday. But I can only think about how much faster I should have been, and could have been. If I just weighed less. Living with Eli and his roommate has blown me up to a hefty 143lbs. I'm disgusting.

My time was 2 hours and 27 minutes.
It should have been 1 hour and 46.

45 minutes too fat.

I'm so humiliated. I ran it with Eli, and the instructor asked him to time himself during the summer and let her know what it was. Even she knew he would have been faster without me. How fucking pathetic is that. I'm sitting in a chair to write this, and all I can feel is my fucking fat rolls. I wish I were dead. Better than living in this body of mine.