Oct 31, 2011

I want.


I looked away
                                                                 Then I look back at you
You try to say 
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day

I pray that we make it through
                                                                Make it through the fall 
                                                                Make it through it all

I feel like I'm on the brink. I'm sleeping more, thank god. I didn't eat until late friday night. then again on saturday and on sunday (drinking and birthday). There are these moments where I feel like I'm floating on top of the world. Then others, like these. Where I feel I've plummeted to nothingness. Two midterms today. One tomorrow, homework. Sorority. I'm so terrified I won't make grades. Honestly my biggest fear at the moment. Not my weight. My grades. But this thing in my head. It's making it impossible to focus on anything but how I'm not exercising. How I'm eating shit food. How I hate how I feel. I want to get it together. I want it to be easy, school, not starving. I want Chiara to stop acting strangely, I want to not be so broke. I want to be thin. I want, I want...

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I don't want to talk about it
                                            And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you                                           .
                           I don't want to talk about it...
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

I want summer back. I want things to stop feeling like they are sliding through my fingers. I want to have time. Maybe just one extra day of weekend per week. Just so I could actually relax or exercise without giving something else up.

I want to stop being so fucked up.

i want a perfect body
i want a perfect soul

I want to not worry the person I care about more than anyone else in the world. 
i want to be in complete control
I want to stop pretending I don't care so hard I start to believe myself.
i would give up anything
I want to excel at everything again.
I want to be better than me.
for just a taste of the perfect i dream about
I want to stop hiding the mess that I am.
i want the perfect facade, a flawless mask

Things change, but that doesn't mean they get better.

What I've Felt
What I've Known
Never Shined Through in What I've Shown
Never Be, Never See
Never Free, Never Me.



  1. I started a new blog and I'd be nice to have u as a reader :)

  2. Hey girl,
    just wanted to tell you that i love the way you write! I´ve been silently reading for a while now, and sometimes I think "hey, she´s writing what I´m thinking"
    Hope you´re alright.