Sorry everyone for my absence! It has been one crazy week!
I moved back in with my parents. The one thing I've been dreading more than anything. But I took the plunge. And I am SO glad I did. I hardly have to eat a thing.
For example. I told my mother I wanted to try and go for a jog tonight. But we were about to have dinner. She told me she didn't mind eating alone if I wanted to go... ( I did however end up eating with her because I was feeling awful) but dinner was egg whites and dry grilled chicken (250 cal)
Lunch, hah. lunch.
I had a rice cake with a spoonful of salsa. (50 cal) so did she. (plus an avocado)
We went to Jamba Juice,
I got a sixteen oz strawberry nirvana(170) sub blueberries for bananas. (-40?) and then I had half of it.
She got an original smoothie.
It's almost unbelievable how well this is working out.
Tomorrow she and my dad are off work, but they have plans. So I'll be home alone to keep unpacking and exercising. Then our 'family dinner' requires me to make broccoli chicken. which will probable be around 250 cal per serving and I'll skip the rice. This is just too easy...
I am so happy!!! Except... I'm not. It's something I can't quite put words on yet. I'm happy I'm getting my way, however, I'm sinking down. That darkness peering over my shoulder. Threatening to pull me under again. The darkness that is more than Ana. Because Ana makes me happy. Ana, is just trying to help. These feelings though, they take the joy out of my laughter, wipe the smile off my face.
I'm struggling to hold on to happiness. I have everything to be happy about. I'm finally losing... Well not at the moment. But there is the potential to. And even after a weekend in Newport with Eli last week. I'm at 141.4 as of this morning. A matter of water weight to have me at 139 for my birthday.
I'm going to jog tomorrow. I don't care if it hurts. If I can make myself jog 5 miles. I get a caramel flavored fiber one bar. (250?) If I jog 4 miles I get a peanut butter graham square (90) If I jog 3. Haha. I get fuckin' diet mountain dew... Oh wait, I get that anyway. Reward system for fatasses here we go!
Sorry for the babble lovelies!
Stay strong, let that number on your scale creep down with the number on mine.
Us and Ana, Best Friends Forever.
PS, a special shoutout to my lovely girl Darcy, she was in the hospital this week, and we're not sure whats wrong with her. (Not life threatening) but I still want it all to be okay, so keep her in your prayers/thoughts everyone!