Jul 11, 2011

I'm still here, I promise.

I'm sorry for being  absent. Honestly, I haven't been busy. Not much has been happening. I haven't been exercising. But I haven't been eating either.

My knee is royally screwed up. It'll take weeks of recovery, and then I'm supposed to work back slowly into exercise. I'm going stir crazy. but I'm also losing all motivation. I think I'm getting depressed. I spent an hour laying on a bean-bag chair, curled up in a ball staring mindlessly at a television show telling myself I'd refill my diet lemonade on the next commercial, and the next, and the next... But I couldn't manage the willpower to even get up and do it. It is so hard to manage the willpower for anything. Refusing food though, has been one of the easiest things.I've been under 500 calories, 5 of the past 7 days. and under 850 on the other 2. Not much to be proud of. But the bit of weight I'd put back on through my anniversary and holiday is coming off. I will be in the 130s for my birthday. Which is an unbelievably short time from now. August 3rd. But 2 pounds is totally reasonable. Honestly, if I had the energy, I could make it happen in just a few days. But sadly for me, I don't.

It'll come back I think. I just need to get my head on straight.

I just cant think.

I need food.
I need sleep.
I need time with friends.

I need motivation. and exercise.
I will be thin.

This is my time to set my habits. I can't start another school year being the fatass. I have no reason to be anywhere in the 130s by the time school starts. But honestly. I'd even settle for anything under 135 at this point... Then christmas could be 130, spring break 125, next summer starts at 120... next thing people know I'd be a senior in college and 110 pounds.

I feel like I'm failing...


No one's there to catch me.

Ana, Please.


  1. Keep strong, Keep positive. Motivation is hard to keep as it is, but you must be finding it so hard with your knee the way it is. Try to stay focused and good things will come to you xx

  2. When I got on the scale this morning and saw that ridiculous number, I wanted to quit -just give up and stuff my face and who cares, right? What difference would it make anyway? But I didn't. I wiped the tears out of my eyes and did those four miles cause I can't quit! Keep your head up girl!

  3. I hope your knee feels better. <3

  4. @ Beth: Thank you, I don't know what else to day. But your comments always have a way of brightening my days.
    @ simusioux: You go girl! You're a step closer than you were before!
    and we'll get there. We will

    @ Mich, thank you hun! feel free to email me anytime!