Fucked up. Absolutely.
I'm frustrated with myself for talking to Eli, but at the same time I’m relieved. I really believe he wants to understand. And miraculously my resolve feels strengthened. Not undone like I had imagined. I broke down crying last night. And this morning, felt calm. I went to see the horse I’m caring for. And he ate breakfast without me. Didn't even ask if I was hungry.
It was amazing. It's noon, I've been up for around 4 hours. And I've only had liquids. I intend to keep that up until dinner. Then I'll keep it light.
I never thought that talking would strengthen me.
I will Not. Be fat for my birthday.