Dec 30, 2010

Liar Liar....

Repeatedly, I've said myself... I'm struggling with an eating disorder.... We all say it, we call it a horrible disease, and then admit that it is all that we even want. We admit that we're killing ourselves. We know what we're doing. I don't care what anyone says, someone with an eating disorder knows what they are doing, they just may not know why they are doing it. None of us are struggling with an eating disorder... We are struggling with normality. Normality is where are problems lie, why we lie. Not our issues with our eating disorders...

I love Eli, I really do... And he says things that are just so sweet...And sometimes he says stuff he means to be sweet. I think, he very much just may not think about it..

I'd be afraid to take him dirt biking..
which says something since you'll take me
Ya, but I know you're tough

I'm flattered but, I want to be capable, but not more tough than his guy friends...
We talked briefly about ed... His words on it.

I'm proud of you. You don't get as nervous anymore around food...

I'd almost had a panic attack at lunch. Which means I hide it better than I used to. My leg shakes constantly, so I'm always burning at least a few calories. I've eaten half amounts of what everyone else eats. I am always talking, no one notices. He said he never sees me on blogger, I'm on every day. Never sees me check other proAna sites. They're even on my phone history.

Liar liar pants on fire...

Why am I so pleased?

1 comment:

  1. Hey honey!!
    I am happy to see you blogging, I was stupid enough not to mail but I guess you'll read it all in my blog.
    You're possibly so pleased because you're back in the dark comfy world, wrapped in Ana's arms.
    You're officially back, and I am pleased that I am the first one to welcome you back. :)

    We missed you,

    Love, x