Oct 28, 2010

Fuck Health Professionals.

I am so angry I can't even begin...

So I'll just leap into it.

They won't give me my medical records from my Uni, because maybe, just maybe the doctor isn't done with them, some two or three weeks after she wrote them. They will fax them to my doctor, but will not release them to me... (I have to authorize them to let my doctor receive the though) IRONY.

All I want to do is exercise... And tomorrow, that's most of what I will do. I have to study for a test, and write an essay, but the essay will be short and sweet, and I'm going to be at the gym for as long as possible. Fuck my doctors, fuck my parents. This is for me.

As the doctors appointment went, I weighed in at 144.8 from 154.2 six days before. Was I ecstatic? Most definitely. Was my Doctor? Most definitely not. He threatened hospitalization if I dip under 140 in the next three weeks haha. 140 He recommended I speak with my parents about my stress level... Blah, blah, blah. (I attempted to that night, took an hour and fifteen minutes of stress and sobbing and being told all my stress was my fault. However I still did not convey that ED is part of it. My mother wouldn't hear it anyway. This whole thing led me to a 3.5 mile run. =] Pushed exhaustion though...) I now have weekly 'weigh ins' with my doctor, for the next three weeks (since at the end of the three I have an appointment with a psych). If I dip below 140 even once, he calls my parents.

I'm going to do everything in my power to be under 140 as soon as possible. I'll also do my best not to let him know. But I won't let this stop me, thicker clothes, more water, etc. I'm not a huge fan of the idea, however at this point I need to be at least 18 for this to work. I'm not going to be forced into 'recovery' because they only think I have a problem. I have one, and I'm going to keep it.

Meanwhile, I'm ready to start fooling everyone else. Eli, I doubt is possible. But I'm going to try. But I'm done with food. I hate feeling like shit to satiate people. I do NOT deserve it.

Just wait until my 18th birthday. I'm going to say fuck it to all of them....

P.S. (this excludes Eli of course, as well as Phillip {who turned around}, Chiara who's my bestie, and Darcy{who is my soul sister =]})

Goooodbyyyee food. I don't need you anymore, from the moment Eli leaves tonight, it will be liquids until I see his face across the dinner table on sunday. And there will be exercise. Sick, amounts of exercise.

lovelies, keep emailing me. I'm having a really hard time right now.


Stay strong, Think Thin, LIVE Ana

We will all be beautiful.


  1. Ok, so your doctor sounds horrible! I am so sorry! I mean why in the world would he be freaking out about 140lbs? Its not in an unhealthy BMI! *so confused!

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Once you are 18 you can choose what you want to do! It is wonderful! I can chose when i see my doctor, and if she ever told me to go to recovery, i could just say NO. :D

    I actually fooled my doctor over the summer during a weigh in. I drank over a gallon of water before hand, wore TONS of jewelry, and layered layered layered! I "gained" 6 pounds! She was happy and so was i!

    This definitely does not sound like an easy time for you. We are here for you!!

    Stay strong!

  2. The doc isn't worried about the bmi, rather the speed of the weight loss. As a doctor he can only threaten things, recovery is not in his realm, which is why the weigh ins are weekly till the psych.

    Anyway, you'll be okay sweetie... You know how to water load and keep losing a secret... Ana is one of those things, she's horrible but she helps you through. (I will continue to spam emails :p)

  3. ugh how annoying for you. no offence to you at all but 140 isn't even that bad!! i guess he's freaking out about the 10lbs loss in one week (btw i'm super jealous about that ahha congrats!). hope you find a way to get around it xx

  4. @Ellesee Thanks!I need all the support I can get right now, all this craziness...

    @keep calm Yeah... But the speed is impressive ^.^ Beginning to think ABC is a good idea again haha.

    @amy None taken, 140 isn't bad, I mean I 'know' I'm not 'fat' technically, I'm mostly muscle, always have been, but I'm not satisfied right now. And I think he realizes that. (btw thanks!)

    I've had a bit of a standstill weight wise, fluctuated up to 147 but I'm not too concerned. I ended up eating a couple of full meals so now I just need to digest and keep exercising. I'm hoping to be near 143 or so when I weigh in, without water logging, incase he decides to check or something. But between monday and the next I'm hoping to dip to at most 141, which is slower than I'd like but then there wont be any cheating until the last appointment =] Then bye bye doctor =D

  5. Silly doctors. And... pictures of street bike before and after of course. Oh and... you're amazing. Keep going strong :)