So it's been a while.... Things have been pretty interesting, and I regret not writing more. but I seem to always be with someone and its beginning to get a little difficult. Even now, I'm only getting this time to write because I convinced Eli to take Darcy on a street bike ride.
So down to business:
The Ana Book, Is starting to really come together, there is so much thinspo in there I could just die! I may even make a series of thinspo books! It's a bit exciting actually! Anyway, I have a stack of magazines next to me as I write this, and thats what I'm doing next.
Phillip... Oh Phillip... He's having a hard time right now, aside from being frustrated with life over the fact that he just moved to a new town and doesn't have a job, and isn't in school at the moment, and none of his old friends are here... Except me, who, according to him, has changed quite a bit... And i don't know if I am really in the position to argue that.. However what he did do that got to me was this... Phillip isn't comfortable eating around me at all, he said I look miserable around food, hilariously enough, the miserable look on my face was out of thoughts on my ex boyfriend (crazy abusive one) who has made an appearance recently... Regardless, Phillip has blamed me for Darcy's recent dark mood as well as her poetry, his words "Darcy writes really dark poetry, because YOU put her in a bad place." (there was much emphasis on the word you.)
Moving on, I just don't give a fuck what he thinks at this point, and I asked Darcy and she told me she would be in the same place regardless of me. But it gets to me, especially after Dick blamed me for Chiara....
Speaking of Chiara, everything seems to be going well for her! Still across the world teaching little monsters how to swim! But it's going well, and she's getting a lot of exercise, so thats awesome! It's making her happy, so I'm happy!
OH! Some happy news! I asked Eli out on the third at the rodeo =] =] =] =] He knows about everything, he doesn't care, well, he cares. But it doesn't affect our friendship, he seems to be more level headed than that. I'm just genuinely really excited about it. Which is a bit strange for me, I normally don't get too excited about guys, or relationships anyway. But I am, I'm happy which doesn't happen very often anymore.
I don't think I've mentioned it before, but my dad has been struggling with cancer for a while, and he just finished his treatment! We won't know for around six months if everything worked, but I'm hopeful, and If it did in fact work they don't expect it to return, thank goodness.
Oh I bought Dick a birthday present since his birthday is on the 24th, I find it a bit strange that I was compelled to buy him a gift, considering my dislike for him. However, I was on a spending spree, and I do feel sorry for him, above my dislike for him, it's just pity. But I'm pretty sure he'll like them. (fingers crossed) if not, oh well. Hah
I continued the street bike argument with my mother today, it was actually more successful than I'd thought it would be, and I'm considering taking out a loan and buying myself one for my birthday, since my parents and I aren't celebrating it, I figure I could, maybe in the form of my own little food free road trip. =] Just to bend of course, because I'm too lame to want to go anywhere but there... I really do love eastern Oregon though, It's such a beautiful place. I'm moving there as soon as I'm done with school. I feel like I'm ready to have my midlife crisis...
I guess that's not too bad though, I could just get it over with, eighteenth birthday, just get a piercing, a tattoo, and take off cross country on a street bike. Could be good!
A side note from all the good, it's still good, but strange, Eli and I had plans to move in with each other in september with another friend... Which my parents are still fine with.. Except now, it may just be Eli and I, and possibly not the other friend that was going to join us.... Which I'm not opposed to... I don't think, It's just a bit weird that I might be living alone with a boyfriend, in an apartment or something...
Things with Ana are good, I've been listening, and she's been blessing me. I didn't eat sunday, monday, or tuesday (except for one bite of food with Eli because he was waving it at me with the look I'm sure you've all seen). I ate a meal yesterday with my mother and again today, then I ate with Eli and Darcy, at Arby's no less. =[ But It's not too bad, still around 700 calories for the day, then I eat with Eli and his family, and his friends tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous actually... but I'm hoping for the best. Then sunday we are going to go dirt biking, so there will be food, but lots of exercise. So i should still be in the negative. It's getting so much easier... It's pleasing. But more noticeable. I just don't want to eat half the time, It doesn't take an argument in my head, I just think 'Blake, you have a protein shake waiting for you at home, and if you can't eat that if you eat this.' And I really like these shakes, they are special k and low cal and low sugar, but they taste so good I could feel guilty about it. But just that thought, and I don't want anything so badly anymore. Easy as pie. Thank you Ana.
I'm sorry for the book ladies, if you managed this far I commend you! Thank you for reading! Your comments keep me motivated to log on here and write! And thank you everyone for the sweet emails I've been receiving, you motivated me to hurry back!
lots of love!
Stay strong, think thin, live Ana...
(Together we can, United we stand) - I thought that held a strange validity. =]